Seek but maybe I shalt not find

A few days before she died, quite healthy, my wife suggested I delve into my spiritual searches: "maybe it'll help you figure out something inside you."

When my (recently, suddenly departed secular Jewish near-atheist) wife and I watched History Channel’s “The Vikings,” she observed how thoughtful the show portrayed the abducted monk Athelstan's struggle between his own faith and the pagan one around him, as it capitulated to Christianity in turn. His frenemy Floki, a Norse priest, tells him that, for Floki, to those new converts "the voices speak, but I cannot hear them." As an Irish cradle Catholic, this rang true. I've never had a "gift of faith" nor have I ever felt that "God is speaking to me" or "Jesus died to save me." But this may be my arid "belief.” As a longtime mentor suggests, this may be the only “faith” I find.

I'm no fanboy of this “performative’’ Canadian Jungian, who frankly's past his Warholian fifteen-minutes of fame. See him talking with Helen Lewis of The Atlantic during his apogee of infamy, December 2018. But I read his best selling “12 Rules for Life” back then, because unlike most profs at least in the preening tenurati at the higher-tier institutions, I spent my career, if unfortunately in adjunct roles due to “hiring shifts” and “ demographics“ in the humanities, teaching rosters of veterans, "mature," immigrant, inner city, single moms and dutiful dads, returning dropouts, pro-2nd Amendment (no matter what box they'd check on a census form), and/or first gen etc. Peterson's treating a Christian mythos/ethos, although not a believer himself.

Reason I mentioned this is that I'm coming from a background where callow kids like me weren't the norm in those angling for the professoriate, at least the plum positions. So I wound up having to make a living on the fringes or in the trenches, off the liberal arts campuses, talking with those who had to take GenEd (I never had a post actually in my major, as the programs were for tech/ business/ healthcare degrees), and trying to bridge the gap between their experiences and my own, trying to make the humanities relevant, engaging, and an impetus to lifelong learning. A hard sell as many resented the course they were mandated, the professor delivering "impractical" content, and the demands of putting up with "soft skills" that a large portion of those enrolled resisted no matter what, and for which by temperament, upbringing, limited education of rigor/ depth, or career choice they lacked "buy-in"...

However, a few curious types in discussions, once they caught on that I wasn't indoctrinating anyone but eager to entertain critiquing all points of view, asked if I listened to Glenn Beck, Tulsi Gabbard, Sam Harris, Glenn Loury, Joe Rogan or who this Jordan Peterson—whom a lot of young guys started following towards the end of the last decade—on YouTube was. The students who tuned in to such misfits as them were often on night shifts, tours of duty with stretches of down time, long hauls on freeways or interstates, and tended to seek out voices beyond the networks. Quite a few returned from Iraq or Afghanistan wounded in mind and/or body. Seekers too.

I feel an outlier in the truly inclusive, genuinely diverse, determinedly equitable, very ecumenical Franciscan community which I shifted to after a Catholic varietal (fka a “Third Order” or “lay tertiaries,” my grandmother belonged; in Ireland they used to call it the Happy Death Society, for you got to be buried in a brown shroud) rejected me after four years kept strung along as clerical red-tape and lockdowns tangled me.

Their more forgiving cousins among those who seek to find the Gospel through everyday life have welcomed me. I aver the most agnostic of their ranks, and among less than those counted on one hand who lean away rather than into the progressive cadres. I confess, as I bring arcane, wry, or offbeat perspectives finding few if any respondents judging from that organization’s chat and certain online fora. But since that video and ones like it (I played it at 2x as this format is too poky, and podcasts without transcripts are worse, as I prefer print) are generating in the debate Justin Brierley observes: leading secular thinkers ponder what's shifting. (Jordan's wife just converted to Catholicism). I habitually share eclectic opinions beyond a media niche.

Which had me looking over my shoulder as a teacher, or wondering which dean was spying on my Zoom sessions. My dearly missed spouse would have jeered not cheered me on in what she phrased my fascist bent. Her eyes rolled at my invisible tinfoil hat, conspiratorial mindset forever proving at odds with her DNC-NPR-CNN-MSNBC...

Although we both donated to Planned Parenthood, if maybe not for the same reasons...one point we agreed on. (Now, I’m no cheerleader of “shout your abortion.” I capitulate to it as a necessary evil, or at least an unfortunate effect of a cause none of us have full control over.) Check out what Garrett Hardin told the GOP back when coastal California had enough of ‘em to fill more than, well, a 1968 Bell phone booth.

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born." ~ Garrett Hardin (UCSB prof.’s “Tragedy of the Commons.”)

Back to more minor tragedy, I’m baffled at Jordan's sartorial choice. I was known on what passed for campuses in the oxymoronic “office parks” as an odd fellow sporting a lapel pin from my collection, which changed daily but nobody noticed, a dapper tie and button vest when teaching, but a coat like that? As he and I are the same age, looking at him makes me cringe--am I that pompous when carrying on. {Note: I have since found out it’s a garment with images of Christian saints as pattern.] He puts on airs. I'd never seen Russell before doing his schtick, although it's what I expected. But he did push back against Jordan, as in his glib too-easy put down of a Pride parade.

This is revamped from what I posted in a discussion group we had on Marilynne Robinson’s “Reading Genesis.” You can see my Goodreads review on her book here.

Hello, everybody. Don't kill this (eggheaded) messenger. I read across the spectrum and this interview was recommended to me yesterday by a recent convert (revert?), who said such exchanges have brought her into respect for Christians whom she long mocked. I rarely watch videos or listen to podcasts, as I'd rather get the gist in a few minutes of reading vs. hours of another's conversational pace. (If I do, it's 2x.)

Anyway, perhaps you won't immediately turn me off when I mention this talk is between Jordan Peterson and Russell Brand. One's increasingly incorporated Christianity into his thinking, and the other's lately embraced it.*** Around 20m. in, they turn to Abraham's sacrifice and God's injunction that violence is never justified; they discuss how Jesus insists that the Logos must always reject power and force. Around 111m., Brand makes a point about doubt rather than certainty within the proper context of faith which resonates with me. A few minutes later, Brand draws parallels with his 12-step program within Christian belief which strike me as insightful. Midway in their exchange, both acclaim “The Message” translation of Scripture. I recall some in our group mentioned this edition, which I wasn’t familiar with...it paraphrases in conversational English not as Holy Writ.

**Justin Brierley's “The Surprising Return of Belief in God” looks at Peterson, Tom Holland, Douglas Murray, and Richard Dawkins in what Brierley regards [video debate] as the shift away from the New Atheists two decades ago to a growing realization of what Sartre called "the God-shaped hole" within our secularist, hedonistic, and adrift society. I've been waiting months for it in my library queue, so it seems to have struck a chord with many readers ahead in that line. And I’ve been tapping my toes in another shuffle (amazing how many people are on hold for practically every title I pick, which shows the post-lockdown demand via Libby) for another faith-reason exploration, “The Devils of Loudon” by Aldous (wasn’t Brand’s breakout—or only remembered--role as a pampered Brit rock star with that same name, surname Snow?) Huxley. Which inspired a typically mad Ken Russell flick in his heyday. Starring Oliver Reed and Vanessa Redgrave, tellingly.

Watch this blog space soon. Once I get ruminating on religion and/or politics, it gets tl;dr fast. For now, I’ll sign off with a vertiginous shot from the 1971 “inspired by true events based on a real story etc.” I reviewed this erudite 1952 “non-fiction novel” on Goodreads. This Penguin paperback cover’s the only one I found crediting Aldous H.